Tag: spiritual

To Dance with Skeleton Man

MagdalenaLeave a comment

I killed a fish to eat in an oven
In the mouth the first flesh
I’ve absorbed in 18 years
A thing was alive it squirmed on
A boat in the blood of its brothers did

I like that
I killed it
Did
I like death
On my tongue

There is a shower after fish
Pungent fluids bubble on loofah
Smear unholiness on my
Breasts do not forgive me
What a nightmare to be alive
Reach arms to rinse my ass,
Palms startle when they find
Shallow buried serpents
Muscle ascends spine
Wind through
The trellis of my ribs
Connect body parts
And spook at the
Strength that exists
I twist to reach my thigh
And somehow
It appears I dance
And somehow,
The faces of creatures
I work with violate my
Mind consumed by wonder
Of how they give their trust to me
And out of the void I feel
Somehow I am loved there is
Goodness within twin serpents
Meet forked tongues
At the crossroads of my pelvis
Join polar magnets what a truth
To be alive and what happens
When the snout of dance finds
The lips of the awe of humanity
I recognize the human in you
And the human at the core of me

I began to cry
A body slaps
Wet sand like a fish
And dies alongside millions
Of the tiniest of Deaths
Water floods eyes
A pipe has burst
The Mississippi river
Body heaving
Rips valleys into
My flesh feels this is real
Long hair fans out like
Seaweed in the hissing steam
From a metal hole
Please exit the theater
In an orderly fashion
For close to the surface
A tower of bones collapses
Against a shower wall
That I have never touched before
In the hundreds of times I have
Shivered naked in this space

Cursed the soft form
A newborn snake exits
Some damp egg
Ripe with mucus
Somewhere to go

There is no other option
I can no longer deny
That I am alive

—
Magdalena
Spring 2020

…And then Water came with an Attitude and a Diamond Ring

MagdalenaLeave a comment

I wanted to, no, I needed to save them all. I was their god, and they depended on me. If they are hurt, it is in my name. I pray they never learn how resentful I am. But look how they sleep, pure and peaceful.

…And then water came, she was beautiful, she shook us up & tore everything down & hopped off to then next highway town with new golden earrings and a diamond ring. We never saw her again and things were never quite the same.

We all miss her smile.

I took a look around at all the babies and somehow they were all okay, tucked in tightly in bed. It’s almost as if they didn’t notice that water had come and gone at all. Maybe she hadn’t been as destructive as I thought.

God- how many years ago was that now?

Maybe she lulled them to sleep.

Maybe she’ll come back home.

Phantom Tourist

MagdalenaLeave a comment

Passing gazes,
Intimate questions with
Strangers in the street.
This is what it means to be from New Orleans.
Walking by, visitor, where are you from?
Are you a saint or a ghost?
What do you hope to see here,
What magic do you seek,
What remedy will make you whole?

You ask to take my photo,
A thin rectangle appears.
I tell you to please keep it.

Spring 2019 (Edited and typed in Winter 2020)

Who brings Sunflowers to a Moonlit Mass?

MagdalenaLeave a comment

Mary,
My beating Heart
It was never me who was broken

Magdalena you saw I was wounded but
I saw the wounds as who I
Was told it was part of my brain

Mary I was never sick

Mag I am not sick

Maggie such normalcy,
not drama, I
told them I loved the drama
dress in black
Adorn with creatures of the night
Wearing sunflowers does not
Kill the freak in me, this part
loves pale flowers that
Only bloom
Under full moons

I am the favorite nectar of bats
Weaving serpents to slumber in my braids

Mary my brokenness is not empty
We tell ourselves what we need to hear
We tell others what we really need to hear

We dance with werewolves at the moonlight mass

2019 (Spring or Summer)

I Need to Quit Regurgitating Goddesses

MagdalenaLeave a comment

Last night something was emerging
From the belly from the depths
Fear was a stabbing pain
Between brows it was Time
Sweaty and retching
There was nothing I could do

Out emerged a sack a pod
Slick with green bile or algae
Hot from the deep shine like a
Clear water balloon

And then she took my breath away
& My eyes full of radiant gold
& She began to glow and shine

Fins wave rhythmically illuminating
Gold and Hot her atmosphere
Holds countless microscopic shrimp
Surround her in formation- orbit as stars
Satsuma scales cast shadows in the curves of
Her delicate marine body
She chooses to part the rich green leaves around her
Chooses to appear just as she is a scintillating hue
Her world lit in the confidence of simple existence

Her eyes never left mine through the
Dark internal waters and in her
Tiny perfect world from my
Belly dark you slithered up the
Tunnel of my throat I never could have stopped you
You are ever powerful, my little goddess

Her gaze both holds me in perfect comfort
& sees me in off putting clarity for
I am not used to being seen as I am
Oh what magic have I stumbled upon?
Oh what magic has been waiting to ascend from my darkness?

At last, in finality: the truth that
Despite all her majesty despite
Her endless manifestation of peace,

She needs help
I must fiercely protect her



Fall 2019

Black Moth

MagdalenaLeave a comment

I dream in fear an Iridescent Black Moth has
Landed on my plate of satsumas but
Genny comes & with such heartbreaking compassion
Scoops him into her palm and brings him outside
Shushing “it’s gonna be okay lil’ guy.”
The little frames his wings may contain
Sleep dust or some sort of ordinary magic
Maybe Genny recognizes the Fae in him
By god, he surely recognizes the Fae in her yet
What message he may have or perhaps just
Fell off his trip to the gas station for
A pack of cigs and a pixie stick
For now they are the only breathing creatures that
Exist in all of space and time and here
They witness the other and the eternal
Absolute that none has felt understood before
The beauty was the amount of gentleness and
Total acceptance with no hesitation that Genny
Gave this creature.
The Magic was the trust that this creature had in her.

Fall 2019

Sweet Fear Aquarius

MagdalenaLeave a comment

A softer desire. Sweeter,
quieter affection. You move slow,
make sure I enjoy you.
Can we be little creatures together?
I’d like to burrow into you, into soft Earth,
Can we make love tonight?
Like the Wind,
You want to see so much, cannot
Sit still, I must respect
Your nature, my lover I can only
Pray that you choose to stay

You are the Wind
Also the steady Breath
Come home to the body
Bringer of seasons Messenger of
Tidings of Summer heatwaves you
Howl through my bones Love
You hurl sand grains in the
Eyes of distant armies you
Blow the Sea from shore to shore
Your waves
Overpower my body and
I let you caress me on the porch by the Sea.

You are always here
Come home to my body Deep
Belly, throat, mouth and lips
Fill me to my lungs and nose
Make me wonder if
I will survive the pleasure of your fingertips
Assault of my lips, tangle my hair
I want you. There is your
Voice from California I heard
You’re still singing. Alone or
In a crowd I don’t care just
Keep fucking singing
Fuck till we’re gasping
Fight till we’re screaming
Keep sending me paper letters
Crisp leaves falling slow carried
In your palms across Mountains across
Prairie. Home to New Orleans.

We’re not so far away,
Really
I can still hear you singing.

Feel your chest rise and fall, my sweetest Aquarius if you can’t tell me, please whisper in my ear. I will pause the turn of the Earth to create quiet enough to hear you. I will breathe over your chest, kiss your lean stomach, I will put goosebumps down your spine.

Caus your voice is the one I want to hear right now. Yours alone. Ours together I’d bet we will make music, we’ll make Magic.

& if it makes you happy maybe I will float with you, steadiness as we pause here and there to plant seeds and

Running again we are panting, we are
Always laughing we
Make love we are gasping and
Fingers dig into each other hold on
For dear life I fucking promise I won’t let you
Blow away
& you finally held on
You returned to your body
We sighed together
Ragged and Terrified
Stop Running
Catch your breath
Please come home

I’d part the Red Sea if I could find a way into your heart
Navigate the Mountains between us
Not the hurricane, not the tornado
Will be a reason anymore find the
True reason for running off
Stop pushing me away
Breathe in, let go
Come home.

July 2019

We Destroyed the Miracle because We Could

MagdalenaLeave a comment

These days I am weary
But I let the ocean toss me
Surrender to
Her Power
Acknowledge I am
Smaller
Than omnipotent peace
Carried myself to the sea at midnight
Full moon and went
To the Deep
Strong enough to fight Her
Deep and cold where the
Fear Lives where
Old women sing us awake
Treading Water
You are rough tonight
But I have faith I will not go under
I spoke with you & the Moon I
Sang in French
Dove under each wave
Reemerging just to say I could
Bare but not quite nude
Salt between toes
Dove under each quake
As she Came
and sticky and shaking in my body
Gasping as if I might Drown

I Fought For You
I Battled in your Name I
Love You

I’ll never fucking leave you.
Curl & float
I may look dead but I am very alive
Toss me about all you like caus
All I can do is trust you
The Bravest I’ll ever do is
Surrender

Up on the porch next to my Best Friend
I let the wind coarse over my entire body I
Let her Caress me I let her
Hold me & Sweep all the Muck away &
She did so gladly. She never stopped,
Not once. She never left. I just laid back.

Then me and the guys, we walked Late, Late
& Found a mysterious gift of fresh fruit
Laid bare a miracle a gift washed up
Lulled in the wading deep
Offering which we destroyed,
Reveling, in our power
Ending that which was free & Holy
Because We Could
And that is enough

Figures in the dark,
Tyler says they’re afraid
Of Me and I swell in
Power and Pride

I said we should scream into the waves, I
Said run, and we did,
We fucking did.

Girls, Bodies, & Magic

Magdalena2 Comments

Soft, pink & warm thing,
Palm of my left hand you lie
Sleeping you dream of dancing maybe
One day crying.

He is nearby.
Never sure if
He is watching,
So continue performing.
Carry on your
Prancing.
Let him close when he approaches.
It’s okay to look away when
He can’t see.

Disgust & self-loathing,
Feed your daughter before
She knows better.
Before she knows
She’s stronger.
Feed her poison when she laughs
Too loud. Shine her windows when she
Scrapes her knee playing ball.

Put a needle in her palm.
Buy her a shiny fish to stare at.

Teach her to slit her
Tongue
& Lick
Bruises, to keep cumming,
Flipping pages, avoiding
Rages.

It won’t be long till she understands her opinion is only valuable for marketing.

She’ll teach herself how to starve, don’t worry about that.
She’s okay, really, she’s okay. It’s not a problem because she
Keeps
Saying
She’s Okay.

And mind your damn business.

He had visions of you taking over this world and he was terrified, you shook him to his core. He knew, he saw your fire, he saw you dancing in red skirts, heard you singing wild, he understood the threat of your joy, the sharpness of your mind, the power of your body, the magic in your words,

He saw you as a weapon

& He made you believe that for many many years.

As you were born he feared you were a witch yet
Here you are a Sorceress
You are yet a queen
Embody
Goddess recognize yourself in the mirror
Honor her in each of your sisters
Don’t stop gazing
You will see

———————
Photograph at top is by: Aries Photography, find her on Instagram @ariesphotographynola
Modeling is by me: Mag

I Dare You to Stay

Magdalena2 Comments

Obsession dissolves
a piece of cotton candy,
sweet and lingering
so sweet I am blushing
your glance leaves me burning

I dare not speak. I dare
reach out and touch your
face and trace
fingers over your lips. I dare kiss you. I dare open my vaulted heart.

I double dare you to run away to disappear into the fire, dancing and engulfed, your laughter echoes through the night I remember you beaming, eyes shining. White wolves and prancing deer high into the mountain tops. I hear you singing.

I dare you to take my hand,
Stop running,
Come back home.

I want to wake up each day to your sweet face and ruffled hair. I want to hold you. I need you to kiss my hands and hold me until I release into your arms, dare to allow you to comfort me. I want to pick blueberries with you in the summertime, Louisiana sticky heat. Welcome home. Walk the marshes with me, carrying a white candle, blessed by the Arch Bishop. Your head bowed in prayer, the Spanish moss filtering light to your green beanie, your flushed cheeks, your confessional.

Tell me all you are afraid of and all you desire to be forgiven.

Lay your head in my lap as we float down the dark Bayou Sauvage, idle and savoring the unquestionable hold of warm water. Drink in the smell of decay, honeysuckle scent of new life. Let me run my nails through your hair. Let me love you here.

I dare you to surrender with me
I dare you to stay.