Mr. Alligator and the Swamp Bunny

Whether curled in a nest of
Twigs, fur and moss
Or sliced raw by marsh grasses,
Sometimes Blood stains,
We do not fear sinking
In the Muck we evolved
To thrive in macabre
Creation and in decay.

“Mr. Alligator, the kindest of us posses the depth
To be the most cruel.”
“Dear Swamp Bunny, we are gentle because we have been
Hurt the most. We crave to be that which
We were denied but our
Pain lashes out hot and fast
From time to time.”
And cruel we are.
Merciless as angelic
Show your wings sweet
Child they are fresh but
you must use the damn things
Don’t fear showing your
Spotless capacity to love
Pure and violent

Today you emerge from the Muck
Printemps, I am Molting my
Winter coat
We are ravenous
Shaking for food
Quiver for touch, for warmth
Praying for a peek of sunlight
Cold in the bone of
Haunted cypress chilled and
Bald, new born held
In raw hands

We have faith that Heron and Spoonbill
Part the Thunder
Raise the sun
Warm days to come

Why yes I am warm blooded, yet
Delicate and not afraid to
dirty my snow white fur
“You need a little help
Keeping warm yes?” Yet
Your big teeth do not scare me
Your deadly tail falls with a thud
More than a reptilian mind,

I see quiet in you
Softness is your pheromone
Draws me back to you
Taste Blue Iris when we kiss
When you whisper in my sharp ears:
“You’re a tough little Bunny.”

Safe to close my eyes under the Stars
Cicadas hush our worries I could
Place my paws into your steaming jaws
Courage the Lion
The tamer, the Savior
I believed my prayers went
Unheard but I found you caught
Every word every
Twitch of my lashes each
Tap of my feet you watch, you remember
By moonlight you watched me sleeping

“I am more scary than you will ever understand, Alligator”
“But I am more afraid than you know, little Swamp Bunny. You are only scary in your mind and I am not afraid of you.”
I said, “I watched over you all winter,
Counted soft bubbles through molasses,
Where now the lily’s feed.
You breathed sleepy and dreamed of me.
And I hopped around the Neighborhood
For the last few seeds and final twigs
Little teeth could gnaw
To share with our friends
I knew you would return you to me
You slit your eyes open your scales
Stop pretending you don’t care!”

Push my paws against your cheek.
“Look me in the eye!” and he said,
“I pray to god one day I will cry.”

“I dare you to push the limits of
What you thought your heart could take.”
And he said, “I dare to you push the boundary
Of how deeply you thought you could let go.”

July 2019

Holy Violence, Sacred Sex

What if the flowers emerging in this moment were all that mattered, if I let them rise to the sun, to drink & play? I could let the little creatures fight, claw, and bite with sharpness & with Red, with Blood.
Medicated to push down the Rage. Laid to rest. Put me out to pasture.
Holy Spirit, old angry ghost, sit by my side, Red & Blood & Thickness

You are welcome here, Violence

Kick and slide, skidded elbows and knees, screaming and
Falling on rocks, on
Crystal, pieces of Amber trapped
Creatures, Celestial
Beings are only of the earth

We are all from the stars
There is nothing we can do

Flow, my anger.
Talk of murder as a child
Parents confide in death wishes
Mother confides in doctors that
I plan to kill and the truth is I did at 9 years old but
Now at 16 I only desire to kill
Myself

Surrounded by anger
Creating Rage on my body
Passive violence inside
Bloody violence out

I am real
I am I

Sexual aggression
I desire so fiercely as I did at 16 a means
To feel:
Beautiful
Wanted
Desired
Worth
And that is okay and welcome here

I can be a Yellow rose.
Smell this moment
Blood & Sex
I am a woman

2009 and triggered by the Perfect Babe, my first boyfriend’s old crush. Jealous of her sexual attention, of her white hot starvation. Drove far away and landed in the arms of a young man I knew. A rush of his merely…. platonic magnetic drive.

I won

Achieved that satisfaction
But triggered by what
I Know I Wanted
& turned away, yes, as I always do.
To remove the Sin. Extract pain. Feel real.

To Hunt

Kill the parts arisen.
Hold myself down if you don’t have the balls to hold me down while you fuck me. I know what I want.
Do you love me as you desire me? as you need me?

Hurt me
Ravage me
Command me to Come

In your name

I want to fall in love with you
I lust for you
Beg you to take me,
Just as I am

Sacred
Violence

Sex and Pain
The Animal
I am Violence and Pleasure
If you won’t choke me
If you’re not brave enough to leave bruises on my skin
I will get what I want from someone who will
Say my desires are real
Holy aggression
Lust for violence

To Be Hunted

Capture me
I won’t say no

And a tightness arises in my deep throat
As if I may cry
A tenderness
Hold and release
Slave and Master
A prophesy of your calloused hands around my throat

I know what I want

Hunt me
Stalk me
Green eyes
Illuminated by a candle in the night
Through sharp grasses
Unleash your wildness unto me

I cannot be tamed aside from your hands. If you are so strong, let me feel it. Show me I belong to you.
Your weight on me
To smother, to allow

Stop me, Punish me
Force pleasure upon me
Inside me
Underneath the parts that
Need to be beautiful
Bruises I can hide and
Look back on at work
& rush of blood to my cheeks
& wanting you again.
Right below the scars on my thighs
Won’t you leave a better memory?
Chosen
Show me I belong to you
Pain on
My body. Violent Spell work
Chanting, singing, dancing
Blood, bones, sex
All of this and more
I need

Blood of Sex of
My womanhood
Flushing cheeks
Bruises blood in hidden scars
To Feel is To Bleed
Pain & Pleasure

I can finally be quiet with your hands around my throat.
You give me no choice
As I have always
Wanted

May that which brought shame upon me become my greatest pleasure
In My Name I Pray

Scary Bunny

Scary bunny
I am an angry bunny, foot
Stomping, ears
Twitching, brows furrowed, shine
In my pink eyes.
I defend my rabbit friends to the
Death with sharp teeth and strong
Curved claws digging, digging

How far
To China?

My home is in the soil
Cool & soft & deep

Packed tight all summer with rough paws
These round halls contain those I love
Home is curled in a dry
Nest
With you

Yellow feathers, fur of wolf, fauns’ eyelashes

Lull to sleep
I built this paradise myself
Dug all the way and hopped the Great Wall
Looked the hawks in the eye as they swooped
Down for my neighbor’s babies
Still pink, eyes yet to open
And I looked away after I

Gnawed off their wings, as struggle made way to a helpless release, as
They gave up the fight. I watched the gleam fade from their deadly eyes.

Of all I was able
The one I loved the most I could not save

My whiskers quiver,
Spider webs, sticking and so sheer they’re invisible but you feel them nagging on
A scratch, a pain you will search for decades

Warriors do not feel fear at all

Describe the boundaries of what makes you feel safe
How will you sleep, knowing your babies rest
Sweetly with small breaths and fluttering noses
Glow-in-the dark moons and stars

I will protect you

I’ll see you play in the sunshine tomorrow morning
Holding hands, sipping dew drops from sunflowers
Blushing with yellow pollen on your white cheeks
Nectar when you kiss me
Read you a little book tonight
Fluff your daffodil tail
Paint black lines on your eyes
Gather twigs
Well water from a mossy pail
Open your hutch tonight, okay?
Gloves over chicken wire, I’ll be there by midnight
String over throat

Did you know warriors feel no fear?

—————–

Girls In Trees

I climb in trees
fate is thin branches
hold a girl’s weight
toll of a bell
sway in the turn of seasons
cling to the metronome
wonder just how far over these old houses can I see
how far
              can this branch bend
              take me towards the earth and
              back into space again
              spring me in and out of reality
life exists between sky and earth
life within girl in leaves and roots
in soil
death exists.

Doesn’t know doesn’t
care where she will rest

She
              Swings.  Allows fate to
              toss dice.  Lets the wind
              make up its own mind. 
              Sails or no sails.
Swings
Climbs trees
Scrapes on
              Forearms
                             Thighs
Thick bark in hands
rough
feel my skin

Just as I am

See me as the girl in trees

Now in trees
equidistant
she is the connection of heaven and earth

I place a crown upon my head
goddess of in-between
              connection
              meeting point
              electricity
              communication
              alliance

Sacred heaven
mother earth
I hold you to my
              cherished chest

Sacred body
Magdalena’s earthly presence
carried in silks across
continents
shared in a hush, in a cry, in a joyous song
in the net in leaves
catch the sun
hold tight my moon
crown glints night and day
water, dark star dust
floats through
the fabric

I am on earth.

Held in comfort
my arms bear, rejoice, uplift, empower

I stand firm
feet in soil
Hair wild and tangled in the wind

I hold in my heart
the girls in trees

—————
(Written Summer 2018)

The Serpent

Here I lie it is 2019 and I never imagine things would come full circle with myself alone in perfect symmetry in the middle of my bed, an enchanted room I have created and in which I make magic in New Orleans, Louisiana.

Half of me is lit by Magdalena’s dancing flame, a soft gold as I fall asleep, the other side lit by white roaring lighting, wild and loud. And all the while my lost love Maynard chanting and this magic builds in my delicious room. Mer de Noms on shuffle and no, I am not triggered at all. I shine. Basking and swelling, humming prayers as I slip into sleep.

Full circle

Sweet child, if you could only see me now. Maybe you do, maybe that’s why you hold on.