We Destroyed the Miracle because We Could

These days I am weary
But I let the ocean toss me
Surrender to
Her Power
Acknowledge I am
Smaller
Than omnipotent peace
Carried myself to the sea at midnight
Full moon and went
To the Deep
Strong enough to fight Her
Deep and cold where the
Fear Lives where
Old women sing us awake
Treading Water
You are rough tonight
But I have faith I will not go under
I spoke with you & the Moon I
Sang in French
Dove under each wave
Reemerging just to say I could
Bare but not quite nude
Salt between toes
Dove under each quake
As she Came
and sticky and shaking in my body
Gasping as if I might Drown

I Fought For You
I Battled in your Name I
Love You

I’ll never fucking leave you.
Curl & float
I may look dead but I am very alive
Toss me about all you like caus
All I can do is trust you
The Bravest I’ll ever do is
Surrender

Up on the porch next to my Best Friend
I let the wind coarse over my entire body I
Let her Caress me I let her
Hold me & Sweep all the Muck away &
She did so gladly. She never stopped,
Not once. She never left. I just laid back.

Then me and the guys, we walked Late, Late
& Found a mysterious gift of fresh fruit
Laid bare a miracle a gift washed up
Lulled in the wading deep
Offering which we destroyed,
Reveling, in our power
Ending that which was free & Holy
Because We Could
And that is enough

Figures in the dark,
Tyler says they’re afraid
Of Me and I swell in
Power and Pride

I said we should scream into the waves, I
Said run, and we did,
We fucking did.

Girls, Bodies, & Magic

Soft, pink & warm thing,
Palm of my left hand you lie
Sleeping you dream of dancing maybe
One day crying.

He is nearby.
Never sure if
He is watching,
So continue performing.
Carry on your
Prancing.
Let him close when he approaches.
It’s okay to look away when
He can’t see.

Disgust & self-loathing,
Feed your daughter before
She knows better.
Before she knows
She’s stronger.
Feed her poison when she laughs
Too loud. Shine her windows when she
Scrapes her knee playing ball.

Put a needle in her palm.
Buy her a shiny fish to stare at.

Teach her to slit her
Tongue
& Lick
Bruises, to keep cumming,
Flipping pages, avoiding
Rages.

It won’t be long till she understands her opinion is only valuable for marketing.

She’ll teach herself how to starve, don’t worry about that.
She’s okay, really, she’s okay. It’s not a problem because she
Keeps
Saying
She’s Okay.

And mind your damn business.

He had visions of you taking over this world and he was terrified, you shook him to his core. He knew, he saw your fire, he saw you dancing in red skirts, heard you singing wild, he understood the threat of your joy, the sharpness of your mind, the power of your body, the magic in your words,

He saw you as a weapon

& He made you believe that for many many years.

As you were born he feared you were a witch yet
Here you are a Sorceress
You are yet a queen
Embody
Goddess recognize yourself in the mirror
Honor her in each of your sisters
Don’t stop gazing
You will see

———————
Photograph at top is by: Aries Photography, find her on Instagram @ariesphotographynola
Modeling is by me: Mag

The Sacred Rite

It wasn’t until the wedding, when they stood at the altar, face to face.  Thick Louisiana hum, twilight filtering silver overtaken by gold from little fires here and there and torches carried by our family and friends, but mostly strangers here to witness and bask in the energy of this sacred Beltane Rite. We are witches, two days ago we met, and tonight we are wed.

Stars emerge paired with fireflies. Shed pieces of animal, plant, seed, bone, mother, flaking and gathering oil and smoke, deep scents on the large altar behind us, we stand under a canopy of palm leaves, a flashback to ancient Egypt and I know without question his eyes never left mine. 

We were humanity, mortality, filtered to pure sexuality.  We were chosen divinely for this role of the God and the Goddess embodied. As the May Queen, I was chosen by picking the drink of mead with a turquoise inside, while as he, as the Oak King, won my hand by catching me in the Great Hunt and correctly answering my riddle.

We stood, having led our tribe to welcome the springtime, to worship the deer and the wolf, on this sacred land of Gryphon’s Nest.  They followed us across the expanse of the field, carrying sparklers, surrounded by the swamps, to a great altar and circle around which they watched eagerly.

Our family gathered around us, all of humanity and bleeding animal, breaking hearts of gods and goddesses, angels holding their breath so not to cry, so not to sing. 
And sing, we did.

As the High Priestess and Priest closed the circle around us, and called the Elements, coaxed the corners of the earth to lounge as sacred voyeurs to human love and lust. Now silence falls, but the buzz of the land under our bare feet and radiating into our bodies.  I feel the embrace of my friends, I feel the heat of the man across from me as he gazed into my eyes with overwhelming passion.  Waves threatening to crest over my head, to pull me into the deep.  I desire so much as to meet your gaze, but I am so afraid.

Your burrow into my soul, in the most literal sense. A refusal to look away.

You find nothing in me scary

I become aware of a face in the circle, in line of my sight is Vovin, and my fear is shaken away with a wink and shimmy from our Man of Honor.  This is the courage I needed to move fully into my body.  Growing taller, hot tea swamp water soaking up from my bare feet, bruised with ripeness.

Overcome with humming, she takes a dare, she glances up at him.  Through fear, shyly steps out a quiet knowing.  A deep but sweet confidence, pulling the curtain aside, step into the Goddess, she has been here waiting patiently the whole time.  I lounge into myself like a warm bath.  Held in the embrace of your terrifying eyes I jump into a roaring river, equal so to dipping bare feet into a crystal stream, freezing and laughing.  And I did not look away, I burned right back into you, not a choice but an accepting an invisible invitation to dance from your playful eyes.  Swelling and body cooling and heating, growing taller, skin illuminating.  A goddess in all of us I stood for the girls, for Melody my niece, stood for my mother, for grandmothers of color, for queer sisters and for the sluts and for the women in Hijabs.

You were all present
And he saw that
Saw me jump in
Let go of my footing
Risk everything
His eyes grew gentle into mine
Float above the Earth and
Take a look down and see
Shining stones and gray moths. We all
Desire the same thing:
We all want to be loved
for precisely who we are and
in that moment I knew
You saw me. And I
Knew you met my eyes, I
Watched as tears formed in
Softly folded corners
Warmest blue in pain in clinging
to pieces of drift wood
Grasping at pieces of iceberg.
Clawing for a drip of water in
the desert I saw you also.
I jumped into the screaming
Truth and you were my soft landing
My gentle tether to earth
My safety
And I was yours too.

In your eyes a boy, a man, a warrior and a priest.  You’ve lived hundreds of lives, you’ve taken thousands more and the blood of old men’s rage pools in the lines of your palms, the same hands you hold your lover with. Those hands you hold back tears with, now you feel safe to lie them down and cry.  I witnessed in you each lifetime of all of humanity, I witnessed your subtle pain and shame, disguised and renamed, but now allowed to feel as he feels. I witnessed your craving, a violent movement towards healing.  Countless screaming births, and endless peaceful deaths. 

Love, in that moment you placed it all at our feet.  You surrendered your desire to be a martyr, left it with the God you embody on this holy night.  You released your white-knuckle grip on your sword, and we watched it fall silently to the floor. Years and painful years, heartache and movement and a running on and on, mountain to sea to valley, to the suffocating dust of Mars.  Your home is here and now.  You, now, accept your weight, your physical presence under the moon here with me.  With your family. 

Please tell me you are real

My love, in that moment we knew.  Rushing together, divinely paired. You took my hands and in front of every living being on earth, with every spirit past and present, with the ancestors looking on with bated breath with each speck of dust and moons and earthworm’s soil.

I declared my love to you in our wedding vows
I spoke for all the women
Felt for us all
And when you spoke back, your voice shook,
You spoke as poetry
As you declared yourself bound to me

And nothing you said could be doubted as anything but the immortal truth

The High Priestess and Priest placed veils upon our heads and great headpieces of antler on you and flowers, moss, and insects upon me and we allowed ourselves to be guided to the ground, red and pink and white flowers arranged in a perfect pentagram, our wedding bed.  I watched, through the eyes of divinity, as you laid down for me.  As I placed myself upon you, legs over your body, weight on your lap, my hands gently steadied on your chest. 

Sacred Rite: a Marriage, a Vow, Sex between Heaven and Hell.  Creation of Pleasure, Celebration of Mortality, burning inside lust a sexual desire and all began to dance, all began to chant and with Mugwort wafting over us, we held out thin hands to welcome  a Chalice for me and an Athame for him and slowly, gently, agonizingly, you placed yourself into me. 

Crowd shouting, creatures weeping, the Rite is complete. We are guided to our feet, my Chalice is filled with mead and your Athame dipped in honey and each person passes by to sip and kiss and receive blessing, maybe a message as well.  As they pass, and make their way back to earth, to the pool, the wild after party, we collapse together beside a small fire, as the ritual area is tidied. We did not speak at all, in the afterglow of deep ritual of possession of our bodies by celestial beings.  You looked off into the distance, at nothing in particular, creating space to return.  I snuggled between your angled knees, and there we held each other, and the Earth continued to turn as Spring quickened and romance blossomed and the insects resumed their day.  Dark now, the agonizing angles of your face flitting about by light of the fire, lean muscles in your arms made sharp by shadow.  We gazed and gazed in silence, basking in the glory of Beltane, of the God and Goddess’s lingering presence, of our scents and each other’s primal sexuality, basked in Mead and Honey we were blessed, but more so, we blessed each other, but most of all, we allowed ourselves to receive. 

Two simple, holy, breathing creatures. Holding on, letting go. Return to our bodies, allow the deities to go back home. From that moment, we knew as our hearts beat with the turn of the Earth, we would never be the same again, and we would be bound in some way for all of eternity.

Please tell me this was real

Scary Bunny

Scary bunny
I am an angry bunny, foot
Stomping, ears
Twitching, brows furrowed, shine
In my pink eyes.
I defend my rabbit friends to the
Death with sharp teeth and strong
Curved claws digging, digging

How far
To China?

My home is in the soil
Cool & soft & deep

Packed tight all summer with rough paws
These round halls contain those I love
Home is curled in a dry
Nest
With you

Yellow feathers, fur of wolf, fauns’ eyelashes

Lull to sleep
I built this paradise myself
Dug all the way and hopped the Great Wall
Looked the hawks in the eye as they swooped
Down for my neighbor’s babies
Still pink, eyes yet to open
And I looked away after I

Gnawed off their wings, as struggle made way to a helpless release, as
They gave up the fight. I watched the gleam fade from their deadly eyes.

Of all I was able
The one I loved the most I could not save

My whiskers quiver,
Spider webs, sticking and so sheer they’re invisible but you feel them nagging on
A scratch, a pain you will search for decades

Warriors do not feel fear at all

Describe the boundaries of what makes you feel safe
How will you sleep, knowing your babies rest
Sweetly with small breaths and fluttering noses
Glow-in-the dark moons and stars

I will protect you

I’ll see you play in the sunshine tomorrow morning
Holding hands, sipping dew drops from sunflowers
Blushing with yellow pollen on your white cheeks
Nectar when you kiss me
Read you a little book tonight
Fluff your daffodil tail
Paint black lines on your eyes
Gather twigs
Well water from a mossy pail
Open your hutch tonight, okay?
Gloves over chicken wire, I’ll be there by midnight
String over throat

Did you know warriors feel no fear?

—————–

Girls In Trees

I climb in trees
fate is thin branches
hold a girl’s weight
toll of a bell
sway in the turn of seasons
cling to the metronome
wonder just how far over these old houses can I see
how far
              can this branch bend
              take me towards the earth and
              back into space again
              spring me in and out of reality
life exists between sky and earth
life within girl in leaves and roots
in soil
death exists.

Doesn’t know doesn’t
care where she will rest

She
              Swings.  Allows fate to
              toss dice.  Lets the wind
              make up its own mind. 
              Sails or no sails.
Swings
Climbs trees
Scrapes on
              Forearms
                             Thighs
Thick bark in hands
rough
feel my skin

Just as I am

See me as the girl in trees

Now in trees
equidistant
she is the connection of heaven and earth

I place a crown upon my head
goddess of in-between
              connection
              meeting point
              electricity
              communication
              alliance

Sacred heaven
mother earth
I hold you to my
              cherished chest

Sacred body
Magdalena’s earthly presence
carried in silks across
continents
shared in a hush, in a cry, in a joyous song
in the net in leaves
catch the sun
hold tight my moon
crown glints night and day
water, dark star dust
floats through
the fabric

I am on earth.

Held in comfort
my arms bear, rejoice, uplift, empower

I stand firm
feet in soil
Hair wild and tangled in the wind

I hold in my heart
the girls in trees

—————
(Written Summer 2018)

I Dare You to Stay

Obsession dissolves
a piece of cotton candy,
sweet and lingering
so sweet I am burning
your glance leaves me blushing

I dare not speak. I dare
reach out and touch your
face and trace
fingers over your lips. I dare kiss you. I dare open my vaulted heart.

I double dare you to run away to disappear into the fire, dancing and engulfed, your laughter echoes through the night I remember you beaming, eyes shining. White wolves and prancing deer high into the mountain tops. I hear you singing.

I dare you to take my hand,
Stop running,
Come back home.

I want to wake up each day to your sweet face and ruffled hair. I want to hold you. I need you to kiss my hands and hold me until I release into your arms, dare to allow you to comfort me. I want to pick blueberries with you in the summertime, Louisiana sticky heat. Welcome home. Walk the marshes with me, carrying a white candle, blessed by the Arch Bishop. Your head bowed in prayer, the Spanish moss filtering light to your green beanie, your flushed cheeks, your confessional.

Tell me all you are afraid of and all you desire to be forgiven.

Lay your head in my lap as we float down the dark Bayou Sauvage, idle and savoring the unquestionable hold of warm water. Drink in the smell of decay, honeysuckle scent of new life. Let me run my nails through your hair. Let me love you here.

I dare you to surrender with me
I dare you to stay.

Invite to the Viking Camp

Chelsea says she’s invited to the Viking Camp of Stone Wolf Coven, says they told her to stop by if she heard drumming in the night, and I can come if I walk with her by her tent first to drop off her swimsuit and pick up her smores supplies to share at the Stone Wolf Fire.

            Terror is equal to a molten curiosity in me.  A cloudy night, darker than you’d ever walk back in the city, dark as entering a great sea. A post ritual exhaustion thick in the air, but radiating and smoldering coals burn on a few more hours into the night. Chelsea, the lamb in the darkness, her small lamp spilling across faded grass as she leads us on.

I’d loved her as soon as I saw her, felt her rush and she is so much like Rachel I can’t hide the magnetic pull. We’d met just the night before at Gryhpon’s Nest Camp in Springfield, Louisiana, maybe an hour and a half drive from my home in New Orleans but you have to watch the Baton Rouge traffic. My fourth stay at this private campground, with my Pagan community for the sacred holiday Imbolc which doubles as my birthday and I now have 30 years.

            All the way to the back of the property she leads me, brave and focus ahead, says we need to look for the big tires: the true entrance to the camp.  Bare feet find twigs and we navigate through partially trodden bushes and briars that have been gently parted over and over again and lull loosely back into place. 

            Low murmer of voices in the near distance.  Chelsea turns off her small light and slows her steps.  A warm light illuminates her brassy blonde hair and our bare feet are grateful to find a straw softer than I knew existed, covering the large area in a thick blanket, freshly placed down as a soft and clean carpet. 

            Chelsea holds a last weakened vine open like a curtain for me, as the low murmers fall to a sudden halt and we are left with the songs of crickets and we know we are being watched, they know we are here. 

            My fear grows to an almost unbearable pressure but it is too late to turn back, we see their figures, pale faces offset with dark hair and dark clothing.  They circle tightly around a large cooking fire, wooden shields and bright flags hung from the makeshift walls.  A maze of temporary buildings fill a large dip in the field that is Gryphon’s nest, they stay close to the Cypress Swamp that circles us. In a collective trance they gaze deeply into the fire, ritual plants wearing off and a welcome back to ordinary reality.  Women in chairs with young men on the straw floor, leaning back into the women’s laps. 

   Animalistic terror but I cannot turn back and Chelsea is with me,
she would not hesitate to step through the fires of hell for a lunch with Hades. Tired Viking men maintain a loose grip on their handmade axes, carved with protection sigils.

            The Viking king stands to give us a booming welcome with an order to make ourselves at home.  Warm, and fetching us his personally aged burnt honey mead, served in a bison horn and passed around.  The men shuffle their seats to offer us the best spot by the fire, passing us apple wine and a pipe.  The young Vikings pick up their conversation, lightly teasing and joking with each other.  Chelsea insists I tell of the 2 dreams I had the night prior, as they are a popular tale circling Gryphon’s Nest this Imbolc holiday.  I flush at the attention but speak as they watch me.  Smiling, they poke fun at my eels and we laugh together.

            When Chelsea’s marshmallows emerge, a man is commanded to fetch us roasting sticks, which turn out to more resemble harpoons, and the soft candy looks comically small, stabbed and perched above the flame.  The king declares his boar brought out, and a large shank, hooves and hair and all is placed on the fire and he sits back, satisfied.  He speaks with me for a long while as his wife dozes next to him and sweet young men shyly meet my eyes from across the heart of the fire.