Pain circles twice, cat-like

Pain circles twice, cat like
and seems to settle
Sleepy-eyed
in the deep of my shoulders & neck

He doesn’t kiss my forehead before bed
this time,
He’s left me enough times to know
He’ll be back

Part of me will miss
the tenderness with which
I got to hold you
The sheer amount of violence
To be tended

& the shaky ghost of trauma
Always courting pain, entertwined
Codependent twins

I met my father at city park the day after thanksgiving & showed him my life. not only could i detect the slightest bit of fear, but my ribs throbbed with the rancid hatred held between my mother & my father that lives within my body.

I want to cut it out of me
how deep
how deep

SJC Fall 2022