Once I was Alive

Once I was Alive

Once I was alive in a vast expanse
of sunlight and soft wildness.
I was witnessed
by great mountains,
old dead gods who’s
magic thrums in my belly &

the high valley was
crowded with tiny daisies,
roots tangled with mouse bones
and trilobite fossils.

Once I was dead, my
soft brain matter ran
with frozen streams

to the palms of little children
rinsing snails and stuffing them
into the pockets of corduroy overalls.

What I would give to feel the blood rushing through my veins again,
Feel it carve cold ridges across my waist
What else than pain or mania can make me feel alive?

I will find it, I will find it
I will travel a thousand mountain tops.
I sill saw off frozen hands. I will find it.

The tombstone is a heavy heart that allows
A release into soil and pebbles,

Broken glass is a warm hug from
A dream you can finally let go and
You can witness baby mountains, like

Canine teeth, ripping through the

Bottom of the great seas and
Leaping towards the light. A

Beacon of which way to grow.

A guide to encountering that
Last ragged gulp of breath.

Once I was alive,

What would I give to die again
to follow that firefly into the deep woods

To choose mystery, to finally glimpse her close.

To take her hand, to press my clammy cheek
Into an underground river, to fill with worms and grubs,

Home again.

I would pluck out my teeth and leave them in a desert somewhere

In hopes I remain something solid

Somehow

I would dissolve, my matter collapsing into a million beings, in hopes I
fade into some great amnesia

Yet I do not know

& yet I do not know at all.