What if the flowers emerging in this moment were all that mattered, if I let them rise to the sun, to drink & play? I could let the little creatures fight, claw, and bite with sharpness & with Red, with Blood.
Medicated to push down the Rage. Laid to rest. Put me out to pasture.
Holy Spirit, old angry ghost, sit by my side, Red & Blood & Thickness
You are welcome here, Violence
Kick and slide, skidded elbows and knees, screaming and
Falling on rocks, on
Crystal, pieces of Amber trapped
Creatures, Celestial
Beings are only of the earth
We are all from the stars
There is nothing we can do
Flow, my anger.
Talk of murder as a child
Parents confide in death wishes
Mother confides in doctors that
I plan to kill and the truth is I did at 9 years old but
Now at 16 I only desire to kill
Myself
Surrounded by anger
Creating Rage on my body
Passive violence inside
Bloody violence out
I am real
I am I
Sexual aggression
I desire so fiercely as I did at 16 a means
To feel:
Beautiful
Wanted
Desired
Worth
And that is okay and welcome here
I can be a Yellow rose.
Smell this moment
Blood & Sex
I am a woman
2009 and triggered by the Perfect Babe, my first boyfriend’s old crush. Jealous of her sexual attention, of her white hot starvation. Drove far away and landed in the arms of a young man I knew. A rush of his merely…. platonic magnetic drive.
I won
Achieved that satisfaction
But triggered by what
I Know I Wanted
& turned away, yes, as I always do.
To remove the Sin. Extract pain. Feel real.
To Hunt
Kill the parts arisen.
Hold myself down if you don’t have the balls to hold me down while you fuck me. I know what I want.
Do you love me as you desire me? as you need me?
Hurt me
Ravage me
Command me to Come
In your name
I want to fall in love with you
I lust for you
Beg you to take me,
Just as I am
Sacred
Violence
Sex and Pain
The Animal
I am Violence and Pleasure
If you won’t choke me
If you’re not brave enough to leave bruises on my skin
I will get what I want from someone who will
Say my desires are real
Holy aggression
Lust for violence
To Be Hunted
Capture me
I won’t say no
And a tightness arises in my deep throat
As if I may cry
A tenderness
Hold and release
Slave and Master
A prophesy of your calloused hands around my throat
I know what I want
Hunt me
Stalk me
Green eyes
Illuminated by a candle in the night
Through sharp grasses
Unleash your wildness unto me
I cannot be tamed aside from your hands. If you are so strong, let me feel it. Show me I belong to you.
Your weight on me
To smother, to allow
Stop me, Punish me
Force pleasure upon me
Inside me
Underneath the parts that
Need to be beautiful
Bruises I can hide and
Look back on at work
& rush of blood to my cheeks
& wanting you again.
Right below the scars on my thighs
Won’t you leave a better memory?
Chosen
Show me I belong to you
Pain on
My body. Violent Spell work
Chanting, singing, dancing
Blood, bones, sex
All of this and more
I need
Blood of Sex of
My womanhood
Flushing cheeks
Bruises blood in hidden scars
To Feel is To Bleed
Pain & Pleasure
I can finally be quiet with your hands around my throat.
You give me no choice
As I have always
Wanted
May that which brought shame upon me become my greatest pleasure
In My Name I Pray
Lucid Dreams 